Category Archive

Not much is being written these days.  This could be due to any of a million reasons, I guess.  Mostly, I am just feeling quiet.  And tired.  Life is good and exhausting.  My mind thinks of things I want to say here, to document, to remember, to advocate.  But my fingers get tired and my warm bed calls to me.  All the little things add up.  Work, preschool, appointments, housework, snow (!)…minutes, hours, days, just slip by.

All the recent swirl around respect for those with intellectual and physical differences has also permeated my thoughts as of late.  I am tired of having to explain why my daughter deserves respect.  It reminds me of a long ago suggestion I heard from a very kind woman.  Her idea was to create a book to explain to children about those with disabilities.  Aside from the fact that those books do already exist, I bristled at the very thought that there would be a need for such a book.  I liken it to the fact that I can’t fathom using a book to teach my children about the rainbow of different skin tones.  We just go out and about and live in a rainbow world.  My daughter (and son) are just part of the big world.  Teaching inclusion and respect is more than just reading a book or supporting classroom integration.  It’s friendships, birthday parties, sharing celebrations and tears, sidewalk chalk pictures, snowmen, gymnastics, trips to the grocery store, dancing, saying hello.  It’s about opening your heart.  And meeting extraordinary people.

I guess I feel the need to comment on this whole recent news regarding the White House Chief of Staff’s remarks about the actions of some of the liberal left.  Mr. Emanuel decided to call their actions “fucking retarded” in a closed-door meeting.  (I am always surprised that “fucking” is censored when that insults no one directly and “retarded” which degrades a whole community is left unedited, so I just put it all out there.  It is what he said, after all).  Honestly?  Mr. Emanuel has a bit of a reputation for using inappropriate language.  I thought his choice of words was unacceptable for someone in his position/level of intelligence, but more indicative of his ignorance than an intent to slur those with intellectual or physical differences.  I held the same stance in this instance as I did when the President made a similar (although less crude) gaff last March.  I prefer to take the approach that such instances provide an opportunity for a learning experience.  An opportunity to spotlight the real issue which is respect, regardless of language.  Mr. Emanuel met with advocates for disability rights.  He’s apologized and made a pledge not to use the word.  In my mind, he was deserving of a second chance, as long as I didn’t hear him using those words going forward.  Nothing more to really say there.  Beating a dead horse.

Or maybe not.  Because the real story to me was the the aftermath.  Sarah Palin called for Mr. Emanuel’s removal.

“Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities is unacceptable,” she wrote, adding that President Obama should “show decency” by removing the Chicago politician from his inner circle.”

Wow.  Overreact much?!  But I get it.  I have a child with Down syndrome too.  The protective instinct is strong.  Their hurt is ours.  But wait?  All of a sudden it was okay when someone from her political party used the slur.  She excused the use repeated use by Rush Limbaugh, saying it was okay because it was “satirical.”  Really?!  So when someone is being “funny” by using the word, then it’s okay?  But when someone is unintentionally insulting those with physical and mental differences, we are in an uproar?  Um.  No.  You don’t speak for us all, Ms. Palin.  And certainly you may want to reassess the clarity of the message you are trying to convey on behalf of your adorable son.  Neither situation should be “okay.”

All this aside, let’s just break it down.  It’s a word that hurts people.  I don’t routinely hear of those who work with or love someone with physical or mental differences throwing the word around in a derogatory way.  While I have heard the argument from some that they don’t even like the word used as medical terminology, let’s be clear that this is not what is really being debated.  No one is walking down the street talking about a medical diagnosis or about flame retardant clothing.  As I said before, it’s about respect.  We should value all members of society and treat them with basic human decency.  Were it the case that we as a global community were so enlightened then there might actually be a case for the argument that it’s “just a word.”  Until then, let’s just consider making a more intelligent and kind substitution instead of wasting our energy arguing with people over whether or not they should be hurt.  Hopefully, my daughter will only encounter respect and never care about this silly word.  But until then, I will speak out for the others who are hurt by it and who may not be able to articulate on their own behalf.   They are worth the discussion.

We took a harrowing first step today…into the land of play dough.

I know.  It’s not swimming in a shark tank or cliff diving.  But it is frankly almost as frightening.  Have you seen the way play dough gets into every.single.crevice of your house?!  Those dried little crumbs are nightmarish.  A little OCD?  Perhaps.  Okay, probably.  But toddler art projects (i.e. ways to mess up a nicely cleaned home and create an urgent need for the whole family get thrown hosed off) are just not in my comfort zone.  However, I am a big believer in the power of little children to make us reevaluate our lives and that shaking things up is good for the soul.  So, with that in mind, I set out to make some play dough.  Sure, I could have let them play with the (unopened, pristine) Play-Doh we already own, but in my mind there was the chance they would decide to eat copious amounts of the stuff, so I felt more comfortable going the less chemical-filled route.  Frankly, I was picturing the diapers that might result from the grass green tub.  {shudder}  I found a simple little recipe online and dove right in.  I admit that the natural food coloring is lacking a bit in terms of vibrancy.  Despite using blue dye, the blob still came out looking suspiciously like I shaped Barney into a ball.

Luckily, my gal loves purple, so we soldiered on.  And lest you think I am incredibly brave (ha!), I did have reinforcements in the way of a visit from my sister-in-law.  In my worst-case-scenario, I would need an extra set of hands (while Bill was working his tax season Saturday hours) just in case each kid were to simultaneously grab handfuls of the dough and run to smash them in the white carpet.  Hey, you never know!  Of course that didn’t happen.  Kailey was more entranced by the Play-Doh scissors and Lucas was content to sit at the Creativity Center and watch his aunt and I show him the ropes.

So yes, it went well and my anxiety was unfounded (this time!).  We survived the foray into creative play land and lived to tell the tale.  Baby steps…

My friend Michelle received a huge donation from an anonymous donor and is fully funded now to bring her daughter Lily home.  How is that for renewing your faith in humanity and the random kindness of strangers?

In a somewhat related note, we went to see a movie this weekend (thanks again to my wonderful sister-in-law).  We saw The Blind Side.  Such a heartwarming and inspirational story.  And while I feel like I am done growing and birthing my own babies, movies like this and personal experiences like the one with Michelle and Lily often make me wonder if I have a missing child out there somewhere.  I never would have even entertained the idea of adoption as something “for me” before having my children.  It’s one of the magical things about becoming a mother, for me.  It opens your heart in so many unexpected and magical ways.

Survey courtesy of Facebook…

—Name one thing you’ve done a lot of this year?  Wrangle toddlers.

—What was the best thing you bought?  Hmmm, my husband was right and I love the iPhone.

—Did anyone close to you give birth?  Two coworkers had babies.

—What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Surviving life with two toddlers. 

—What was your biggest failure?  Often not having enough patience with aforementioned toddlers.

—Where did most of your money go?  Regular household stuff and savings.

—What did you get really, really, really excited about?  I love the kids’ birthdays…so Kailey’s second birthday and Lucas’s first.

—Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?  Probably the same level of happy.
b) thinner or heavier? Same, I think.  Still holding on to those pesky 10 pounds from the pregnancy with Lucas.
c) richer or poorer? Richer, overall, not really just monetarily.

—What do you wish you’d done more of?  Outings with the kids.  It’s impossible for me to really take them out alone (unless strapped into a grocery cart), but I wish that was more of an option.

—What do you wish you’d done less of?  Worry.  I am a worrier.  Especially about things outside of my control.

—Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  I don’t hate anyone.  Life is too short.  But I am sad about some issues between my husband and mother-in-law.  I think their relationship was irreparably damaged and it’s sad because if she had just apologized for hurting him, it would have been forgiven.  But moving on…

—Do you have the same friends this year as you did last?  Yep.

—What was the best book you read?  Probably Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan.  It really challenged my views on food.

—What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?  I was 32.  I had a low-key celebration with family, which I loved.

—What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  Hmmm, I had a pretty great year.  Maybe winning the lotto? 

—What would make your job better?  I am pretty darn happy with both my jobs…mom and Financial Analyst…both are perfect in their imperfections.

—How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?  Comfort

—What kept you sane this year?  My husband.  Hands down.  He’s my rock.

—What’s your favorite way to spend NYE?  With my husband and kids.  Probably sleeping.

—Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.  My continuing lesson is just to roll with the punches and not take life too seriously.  It’s too short to be unhappy.

—What will be your New Years resolution?  I don’t really do resolutions.  But my ongoing goal is to be a better wife, mother, and friend.  And to know that there will be times that I fail, but I still need to keep trying.

I read an article the other day about a college student with Ds winning a ruling to allow him to live in a dorm at the school he currently attends.  The article was interesting to me because I don’t know a lot about the college options available for intellectually differenced individuals.  Apparently, this student has been attending the college since 2003 and rides two different buses (public transportation) for two hours from his parents’ home in order to get to classes.  The college was denying him housing because he wasn’t enrolled in a traditional degree program.  I understand this.  I really do.  I also understand the argument I read a few people making that there needs to be academic standards for educational institutions.  I would argue that the university is a business.  I doubt they are letting in academically challenged students out of the kindness of their hearts.  College enrollment is down everywhere.  I am sure it is profitable for them to have paying students, regardless of whether those students are enrolled in a brain surgery program or not.  So I guess I don’t understand the reasoning behind refusing him housing.  I don’t know all the facts of this story, but I didn’t see the parents asking for any special accommodations for their son (live-in aides or whatever).  So, assuming he can live independently like any other student, why would the university not accept his check?

And arguing from my heart, why not show a little kindness and let this kid have full access to the college experience?  Where do you draw the line for exclusion?  For instance, should we stop making college athletic facilities accessible to those with physical disabilities?  I mean, those kids are never going to play at the same level as athletes without physical limitations, so why bother, right?

It’s always disheartening to me that so many people feel that they have the right to decide the experience that others should have access to, rather than the responsibility to help their fellow human beings in this shared experience on the planet.  People seem to forget that at some point in life everyone will need a hand up and the rest of the time you should put your hand out to help.

…now Lucas, Bill and I are coming down with the cold (sore throat).  Yikes.  These kids are such germ incubators.  Of course it doesn’t help that I spent Christmas night with a little one coughing, sneezing and breathing a vapor of ick in my face.  Good thing the poor buggers are so darn cute.

Bad thing parents who stay at home don’t get sick days.

In a nutshell, Christmas 2009 was laid back, full of family and some toys, ended with a little sickness and followed up Chinese takeout.  Something like that.

Christmas Eve was relaxing.  My mom came over.  We only had one item to assemble.  (The kids got a little table from Ikea and it was delightfully easy to put together).  There was hot chocolate with Baileys and some sandwiches from HoneyBaked Ham.  So nice in comparison to last year’s mad rush to assemble an exersaucer and a million little doll accessories.  I am sure we won’t get off so easy every year, but definitely didn’t take it for granted.

We were all up bright and early on Christmas morning.  We put on the kids’ new Christmas fleece outfits, gave them breakfast and then headed to packages.  I was sort of expecting they would enjoy unwrapping a little more this year and had painstakingly wrapped even the items for the stockings.  I also ended up being the unwrapper of those items.  {Sigh}  Maybe next year the enthusiasm will last longer than a few presents.  The kids got a little table, an Elmo, a digger truck and doll, etc.  But the hit of the morning?  The counting bears.  They are the little bears in 5 colors that you can sort into 5 cups and use for learning to count, etc.  The “educational” toy.  Clearly, there is just no predicting the fickle nature of my kids.

As we were finishing up with the gifts under the tree, my brother and sister-in-law arrived for brunch and round two of gifts for the munchkins.  There were play tunnels, superhero capes, ballerina tutus and new books…not to mention joyous children.

We had brunch and the kids had nice, long naps.  It was a wonderful way to spend the holiday.

Unfortunately, the evening was not so fun.  Kailey came down with a cold and awoke with tears and hacking.  She and I spent Christmas night with her moaning and groaning fitfully on a beanbag (which seemed like the best way to keep her head more elevated) and me curled on the floor beside her.  Poor bug.  The following day was no better (or actually worse because we had no sleep at all).  My brother was a really good sport and brought us food home from the birthday lunch we were supposed to attend in his honor.  Luckily, Chinese food is perfect for takeout.  And we still had cake and ice cream to celebrate at our house as planned.

Today, two days post Christmas, we were just starting to make it past the cold (or at least until one of the rest of us finally succumbs to Kailey’s germs) and enjoy the lull before we ring in the new year.  I am still not sure where this “old” year went, but it was certainly a fine year, with lots of happiness and laughter.  A year, like our holiday, which will be fondly remembered.

Are you sitting around waiting for this guy?

Well, even if you happen to be on his “naughty” list, hopefully this holiday season finds you celebrating life and love with family and friends.